How can I put this trip into words? A good friend of
everyone was on board: Ron. He made the whole trip more fun and got the ice to
break with conversations. If too much Ron was on board you may or may not wake
up on some island shipwrecked. On top of this scenario consisted of two
weirdo’s: One Colombian captain named German (hear-man) who smoked a pound of
weed a day and gave no such orders for anything until you did something wrong.
Another weirdo was the deckhand/cooker lady. She was fresh on the boat from
London and was her third trip. She was tall, crooked stereotypical teeth, harsh
accent and had one horrible, horrible work ethic. Lack of experience and
motivation meant we had to ask for food after we were all starving for hours.
These two characters equaled into the equation of one hell
of a ride and an experience to remember forever.
To make things easier on this read, I’ll break it up day-by-day
to one hell of a climax that could potentially lead to some nightmares or deep
thoughtful daydreams at work.
Okay here we go:
Pre Day 1.
Rushing from Bocas Del Turo to Panama City was a journey in
itself. On top of that getting to Luna’s Castle and trying to book a sailboat
on the spot was not an easy task. For Stefan, he emailed a company last week
and had the boat all booked and ready to go. For me, being indecisive and
wanted to pure best I wanted to see what people at Luna’s castle were onboard
certain boats. This could almost guarantee good people on the boat since you
could meet them in person. This failed. The only boats that were available were
mid February and I was at the hostel on the 25th of January. Luckily,
the sailboat company Stefan was on emailed me back saying they had another boat
available and would leave together for the whole trip. This boat was leaving 31st.
Sold.
Day 1.
Some jeep picks up a crew of us at Luna’s castle in Panama
City at 5 am to head to the coast where the boats were. The driver as usual
doesn’t quite know what to do with surfboards so they cram all of the backpacks
up top and then rope the boards to secure everything below. It’s a system that
keeps reoccurring but somehow works.
This drive to the coast was quite fun. We had 8 people in a
Jeep and was super uncomfortable. The drive was straight out of a Mazda
commercial but on steroids. The roads would dip up and down like a
rollercoaster and turn left and right like a NASCAR course. Speed was in our
favor. This adrenaline rush went on for 2 or more hours. This meant some
interested dreams and bobbing like one of those basketball toys. Anyways, we
make it past some checkpoints and end up at some lagoon where small boat
ferries were taking tourist to the san blas islands. These islands are owned
and run by Kuna villagers in the archepelo stran. Roughly 350 islands are all
crammed in this area and all picturesque postcards people dream of, or in my
case didn’t think actually existed in real like.
We packed up all of the gear and people into this boat and
took off. At first it wasn’t windy since we were in the lagoon but once we
popped out into open ocean nature took over. High winds and a bumpy wet ride. A
few hours later and a group of wet citizens we pulled up to our first island
where both sailboats were docked.
The ferry pulls up to the Eucalyptus (my sailboat). Some
chick was sleeping outside until we bumped into the boat. She asked us if we
needed help or if we were lost. Instantly new this chick was retarded. We all
go, “were on this boat”…Oh. Slowly moving like a sloth she kinda helps up move
our gear onto the boat. Next thing the captain pops his head out and introduces
himself as “German”. Nice to meet you. German had his captain hat on with his
name on it and those cool polarized yellow fishing glasses with those hip
sunglass ropes that keep them from falling. I know their hip because I also
support this genius invention. He also had some Hawaiian shorts on and was
Colombian height, which is about to my shoulders. Was a character at first
glance.
The boat on the other hand was 30 foot and could handle
about 6 people total. For us it was me, Karst (Dutch friend) and Nina (Sweden
girl). Totaling 5 all together. The other boat that Stefan was on had about 10
people and looked like a party. Much bigger boat and music blasting from the
get go. I was instantly jealous because the lady who emailed me about the boat
said all of the people on board were couples. Not one couple was on this boat.
But didn’t matter because we were sailing side by side for the whole trip.
We unpacked and got settled in the boat, jumped in the water
and had some fun while the crewmembers did whatever they do. About 2 hours in
we hoped on the little dingy and German took us to our first Kuna Island to eat
lunch with a native family. These people have been on these islands
self-sustaining and never seeing garbage until this past 10 years. Now they’re
drinking grape soda like its aint no thing and the kids look like mini thugs.
Though this hasn’t changed the way the people interact. They are very happy and
inviting. All have large families and never want to explore the world. They are
content on their island and love life. This is good.
Our lunch was basic: rice with chicken. Delicious. Our host,
who I can’t remember his name cause I can’t really remember simple tasked like
this took us around his island. The island was really developed and confused me
a lot. The corruption that the outside world has brought them has changed their
culture quite a bit. Some of the construction was going on was made out of
cement pillars rather than straw bungalows. They even had a basketball court. I
couldn’t figure out what their culture was and what they were all about. It was
super weird. He took us to his artist friend’s house where he showed us his
“gallery” of work. Some were kinda cool, hand made woodcarvings on found wood.
Standard narrative story, which proved they had some culture. On the other hand
he had paintings that looked so commercial that drove my mind crazy. Anyways we
chatted with this dude for an hour and took off.
Got back to guys house and waited for German to come pick us
up. Except he never did. Haha. We ended up taking this guys hand carved canoe and
paddling over to our boat where German was sleeping. What a champ.
Swam and lounged the rest of the day with the other boat
until dinner. Dinnertime we are supposed to eat with the other boat (just like
we were supposed to eat lunch with the group). Night came around and we headed
back to the Kuna family for some fish dinner! Other boat never showed.
Regardless, not that it mattered we pushed on and ate some incredible fish and
grape soda with his family. The guy had 5 girls and one baby boy. His dynasty
will push on! Ate dinner and everyone was happy.
That night Ron came out and stories were swapped. Once again
the captain disappeared and later found out he was hanging out on the other
boat and forgot to ask us if we wanted to go. Like I said, what a champ.
Sleep.
Day 2.
The sailboat journey begins! We set sail to chi-chi-mey
islands (I think that was the name). Bumpy ride and open seas! Lots of wind and
multiple zig-zagging sailing moves. We finally arrive at this tropical
paradise. This time the whole island was just one family. Most to all of the
islands are just run by one family. The exception was the first corrupt island.
We anchored up and me, Karst ,Stefan and Nina grabbed
snorkeling gear and headed out to sea to find some gems. We drifted all over
the place. The reef didn’t have much marine life but was super fun. We found
some crashed sailboat that landed on this tiny island next to ours, which was
cool.
The island overall was a picturesque postcard. Once closer,
the picture changed. Lots of garbage from the ocean accumulate on the sand and
destroy a lot of the beauty. Worst part is, it’s not the Kuna’s fault. It’s the
outside world like us who litter.
Later that day the Kuna people boated by and sold us a bunch
of fresh lobster and crab for dinner! A treat I was looking forward to on this
trip. A quick $3 and a joint bought us an unheard of amount of food. Oh you
Kuna potheads. Gotta love em…Since the cooker had a lack of cooking skills,
German didn’t trust her for anything! Which sucks on his part. He gave the
seafood to the Kuna people and they boiled the water. We drove the dingy on the
island and smashed up the lobster and crab like Tom Hanks in Cast away. No big
deal and so delicious.
That night, all of the boats around the island came over for
a giant bonfire party. We gathered palm trees and branches all over and torched
up this sweet fire. Everyone busted out Ron and before you knew it all of the
captains and deckhands were drunk off there minds. Weird by passers came over
and swapped stories about Colombia, some legal, most not. Others came from a
shipping boat that they hoped on and somehow got dropped off at this island.
That is a novel in itself.
People passed out on the island
Day 3:
Bright and early the captain said we were leaving at 9! Only
problem it was 11, and was on Colombian time, in which time doesn’t exist. Who
cares, I’m on a boat! We ate some breaky and finally hit sail! Few hours later
and dozens of by passing islands later we docked at another island. This one
was incredible. Perfect small beach surrounded by sand and no one around. We
all grabbed our snorkel gear and headed out. Which was a great choice because
it was way better. The snorkeling had tons of school fish, lots of coral and
random marine life that doesn’t make sense. One of the schools was so thick
they surrounded me for 5 minutes as I held my breath to try and catch them!
After lots of lounging and swimming another group of Kuna
came up to try and sell us some goods and fish. They brought out a bucket of
fish and German once again gave this new group a joint and a couple of bucks
for dinner. Unreal. We cooked these suckers up and had a feast. For desert we
got some passion fruit, cut off the top and made a little snack. This consisted
of sugar and rum mixed in the fruit. Sounds amazing right? Well to tell you the
truth, it was.
Day 4:
This is where all the fun begins. The easy part was over.
Lounging for 3 days from island to island was chump change. Today we set sail
for 48 hours of Open Ocean and nothing but sea. No islands and no stopping. The
forecast was 4-meter waves and we were on a 30-foot sailboat.
Before we left, German cooked up some local food called
“Arepa”. It’s a simple corn bread with cheese. Put some jam on their and your
set. He made these because on this bumpy ride ahead of us, there would be no
way to cook in the storm. In this case, we all ate as much food before we left
while taking a bunch of pills to knock all of us out for the next 2 days.
For the next 2 days we all slept. More sleeping than I have
done in a long time. When you weren’t sleeping and trying to walk around down
stairs, you would get dizzy. You had to go outside just to check out the
horizon to get a clear head. I wasn’t too hard for me but others were puking
overboard, including the captain, which was surprising.
Since the seas were crazy the other boat ended up taking
another route. They went straight into the eye of the storm, while we went
around closer to land to get away from the gnar factor. The next day when we
woke up the windsurfer changed routes and they ended up finding us. They
radioed us and said we need to stop. In front of us was some random island in
Colombia and we decided to stop for the night and rest. Our boat has autopilot
while the other one had to stay awake the entire time to direct them in the
right direction.
As we got closer to this island some random small boat
started to approach us. Two guys and heading directly towards the boat. We
jokingly said they were pirates…they got closer and put the boat right next to
ours. One of the guys starting talking to the captain and before you knew it;
the guy jumped on board and took the steering wheel. At first it seemed really
weird, but if the captain wasn’t freaking out, then we were okay. The pirate
took us into the bay and helped us dock the boat in the correct location. I
guess the area is hard to navigate and these people do this for their job.
We docked and waited for the Windsurfer. Since we were all
illegal into Colombia we weren’t aloud on the island. In this case, the Captain
made a steak and beer order to the pirates and they took off. About an hour
later the pirates returned with our order. We got all of the fruit and
vegetables and made one mean marinate. This consisted of tomato, passion fruit,
mango, and garlic. Tasty and highly recommend it. Ate and went into a coma…woke
up the next day.
Day 5:
Woke up to the boat moving. No idea of time or where we
were, but we were moving which was a good sign. Today was the last day of our
trip and to land into Cartagena in the evening. A few hours later the wind
decided to die and we were sitting ducks in the middle of the ocean. It was
very surreal. No land anywhere close, bright skies and nothing to look at and
nothing to do. We were slightly moving so we could swim. Karst and me decided
to throw a line out and fish. We had one large hook and a spinner with no bait.
This equation led to no bites and no future cool dinner we imagined was going
to happen. After failing fishing, I brought out the books to study my Spanish.
All day later and about 4 O’clock the wind slightly picks up
and we start to move! The closer we get to land the harsher the waves got. The
windsurfer called in saying they were having mechanical problems and they were
going to find land and sleep there for the night. German agreed and we set
course for land.
Now its dark. Karst noticed a small dingy boat that we were
about to intersect. German changed course (utilizing the wind you have to zig
zag everywhere) and we avoided a crash. 20 minutes later we had to change
course again, this time we knew the boat was close and were heading directly
towards them. They start to wave us down with a distress sign with there
flashlights asking for help. At this time, we thought everything was fine until
German told me and Karst about his gun downstairs and how we should go find it.
We scatter downstairs looking for his piece while we here voices of him talking
to these people.
Nothing happened and we moved on.
German told us we were 12 miles away from Cartagena but the
seas were too dangerous so we were going to find a place to dock and leave in
the morning. Sweet, extra day of sailing! We all headed downstairs and watched
some stories. We all fall asleep to German waking us up.
“Hey guys, I have some bad news”…”I drove the boat into a
island and need your help”.
“Huh”
“All haggard and sleepy we all thought we were in Cartagena”
We got up to see what the commotion was all about. German
was right; he fell asleep and crashed us into an island! What a joke. The boat
literally smashed through a huge layer of reef and we were sitting 10 meters
away from the island. Now were stuck on a reef bed stuck. The reef itself
looked like alien boulders from the movie “Cacoon”. A torch exposed all of the
reef piles and knew we were in for the long hall. At this point, its about
midnight. The captain put his snorkel gear on and jumped in the water to see
what the damage was. Were still in shock and all thought we made it to
Cartagena and was laughing about this. Mainly, because German was asleep most
of the sail trip and always on auto pilot. So, to much surprise it wasn’t truly
a surprise. Everything you dream of bad happening has just happened. We drove
into an island! Wow.
Next step happened: German took it like a man and called the
coast guard. “Mayday, mayday, we need help”. Coast picks up and instantly says
there on there way to help us.
German goes into the bathroom while we are upstairs on the
main deck. We look over as two giant bags of weed get thrown into the water
from the bathroom window! Haha. “Hey, German, you know those bags float
right?”…”Yea man…I don’t care anymore, my whole life is ruined and I get that
shit so cheap, fuck it.”
Okay
At this point he is still running around trying to figure
out a solution. While Macgyver was running through his head the coast guard
called back. They asked if we were all okay, how many tourist he had and if the
boat was safe and not sinking. We said we were all okay. They said, we’ll see
you in the morning.
Macgyver mode back on: “Sean? Can you jump in the dingy and
take the anchor as far way as possible?” “Sure” This is where I fail at
paddling a boat, but more so because there was a anchor in my paddle boat and
the real large boat was restricting my guns from working its magic. All I did
was move in place while the others were people watching all of my mistakes.
Karst decided to help me out and he jumped in. We managed to get about 10 feet
out and I threw in the anchor. After this Karst and me paddled the boat to the
island to illegally high five each other in Colombia! While German is having
some sort of heart attack.
His tactic didn’t work. He though if we put the anchor far
enough out and then pull the anchor up, it would pull the boat towards the
anchor. It did the opposite.
We mentioned just turning on the engine and blasting out
into space. He disagreed.
Next step was for all of us to pull out our flashlights and
help guide him with his dingy boat to push from nose to tail the boat to
freedom. Meaning, we say there is no reef on the front left while he drives the
mini boat to the back and nudges the boat. Make sense? We did this for 6 hours.
We moved from one side of the point break to the other. The end of the 6 hours
we were closer to the beach and now stuck on the sand. Each wave that came in
picked up the boat and slammed it back down. Essentially, torturing the boat to
a slow death.
Finally, the captain turns on his boat and reeves the
engine. Up, down and side-to-side the boat jumped but didn’t move. We all gave
up at this point and started to head down. Next step, German just gunned the
throttle down and boom, we flew out of their no problem. Well, no problem for
us but the reef was destroyed thanks to this dude.
We get all the way out to 6 meters where we are all safe. It
anchors the boat again and drives off in his dingy to “check out what he did”,
but it was to pick up his missing floating back of weed. Classic. He jumps back
on, excited out of his mind and acting like a schoolgirl. He calls the coast guard
and says we don’t need there help.
Same time, the windsurfer calls us and says they are stuck
in the middle of the ocean with a blown engine. Right when we think we are
finished and heading to land, German says we have to go find them and help
them. We say fuck this and all go back to bed.
Sometime the next day, I wake up to us in the bay of
Cartagena! The bay was surrounding by skyscrapers and all around beauty. German
never ended up helping the other boat and just came into shore. Supposedly
another boat came to help them.
6 days later and crashing into a island we all somehow made
it safe to Colombia. Wahoo.
Fyi, windsurfer made it safe that night after they had one
hell of an adventure themselves.
